“And Jesus said to him, “ ‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” ” (Mark 9:24, ESV)
I believe that I have reached a stage in my walk at which I never doubt His ability to do. Rather, I sometimes — many times if I’m truthful — doubt His desire to do. Thus it is the character and not the power of God which gives me pause. But why? Has He ever shown Himself unkind or unjust or unloving to me? My knowledge and faith boldly say, “No.” But sometimes, when I am quiet, my heart — my sinful, erring, treacherous heart — whispers, “Yes. He was unkind and unloving to send this particular trial to me.”
I’m so sorry, Lord. I do believe, I know, I trust that You are good. But I am so afraid. You are so powerful and unpredictable. You rule according to the counsel of Your will and who can say to You, “What have You done?” None have power enough to stay Your hand; You will prune the prodigal branches. I am at Your mercy and sometimes — yes, most times these days — I am afraid of the process.
So if my faith falters, it is not at the point of Your ability to do, but at the point of Your desire to do for me. Help me to see that the One at Whose feet I lie is good.
Yes, even good to me.